Last September was Ask a Man on a Date month. My friend told me about it and she dared me to look it up when I doubted her. To my dismay, she was right. I grew up in a traditional Christian household. My mother always told me that the man should make the first move. I believed her not just because she said it but because I was never able to prove her wrong. Growing up I never saw positive outcomes for girls who asked the boys out. Even in college when I hear a friend say that she initiated the relationship I am skeptical. Sure enough they eventually break up and she realizes that the boy should’ve chased her and not the other way around.
One day, as I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed the headline Should Girls Ask Guys Out? caught my attention. Surprisingly it was an article written for the September 2014 issue of Relevant Magazine, a Christian publication that covers life, pop culture and international affairs. In the piece Licensed Professional Counselor, Debra K. Fileta, challenges the idea that Christian women should approach dating passively and wait to be pursued. Although I disagreed with the overall message that women should ask men out, Fileta makes a few good points. For instance she says you can initiate the define the relationship (DTR) talk instead of blindly following and hoping that the guy will disclose his motives.
We shouldn’t feel powerless in that particular situation but initiating the DTR talk is completely different from asking a guy out. The DTR talk is for your benefit because it prevents you from “hanging out” with a guy who doesn’t even know if he wants to be in a relationship. So in light of Ask a Man on a Date month and the Should Girls Ask Guys Out? article, I asked some fellow female students how they feel about making the first move.
“Well I would suggest us going out but I wouldn’t straight up ask,” Christine Pierrecilus, a University of Central Florida student says. “I’d say maybe we should grab dinner or something sometime in hopes that he’d say yeah let’s do that next Friday”.
Another student commented, “I’m against it! I just like to throw hints so he knows I want to be asked out,” Okello Bogle of North Carolina State University says.
There’s nothing wrong with letting your crush know that you’re interested by flirting because if he feels the same way, your signals could encourage him to take that next step. It’s a smart strategy. Asking a guy out, on the other hand, screams impatience. We want our crush to initiate but when he doesn’t we decide to take matters into our own hands. We justify this behavior by boasting that it’s the 21st century or saying we’re supporting the feminist movement. Others of us make excuses for him and think maybe he’s shy or maybe he’s just getting out of a bad relationship. In some cases this may ring true but I strongly believe that if a guy is interested in you he will ask you out. You may not agree on the timing but that is no reason to speed up the process. No love story should include the words“…then I asked him out”.